


Hindsight

by KayDiggsWriting



Series: What Happens In France... [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drama, Emotional, F/M, France - Freeform, Hamgelica, Hamliza, OBC - Freeform, Out of Character, Part Two, Past Relationship(s), Secret Child, Secrets, Unresolved Issues, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayDiggsWriting/pseuds/KayDiggsWriting
Summary: Second Part of "What Happens In France". You have to read the first one to understand this one.





	Hindsight

**Author's Note:**

> I literally woke up at four in the morning with the inspiration to write this. I wasn't sure if I was even going to add on to the first one and then BAM! This mess happened. I decided to do a series instead of chapters because I'm not sure if I'll write more with this AU but I might. Thank you for reading the first one and I hope this one lives up to your expectations.

Angelica Schuyler didn't have perfect vision. 

In fact, she had a difficult time seeing things further than five feet in front of her without her glasses.

But hindsight, no matter how terrible your vision was, was always 20/20. And hindsight was a damn horrible thing.

For example, in hindsight, Angelica wouldn't have decided to have unprotected sex with some random guy she'd met in France after only ten minutes of knowing him. In hindsight, Angelica wouldn't have put so much of herself into a relationship with someone who didn't mirror her efforts completely. In hindsight, she wouldn't have assumed that her boyfriend of only six months would be happy to hear that she was pregnant with their love child. In hindsight, she would have at least told him before fleeing the most beautiful country she'd ever had the pleasure of living in to hide. In hindsight, she wouldn't have raised Philip with such secrecy as to who his father was. In hindsight, she would have dug a little deeper when hearing the familiar name of  _Alex_ slip from her sister's lips at their coffee meeting one day. In hindsight, she would have confessed the truth as soon as she recognized Alexander Hamilton. In hindsight, the secrecy would have stopped there.

But, as implied before, hindsight was a bitch. 

The problem with hindsight, is that it came too late to make an actual difference. Because no matter what Angelica wished she would have done before, she was still a single mother to a boy who knew nothing of his father. She'd still gone to France one year and left her heart with a man who couldn't quite bring himself to balance the trade of feelings. There was still a huge gap in her life where the father of her son should be. And her younger sister was still dating the man she could never bring herself to completely fall out of love with.

Because, one did not simply fall out of love with Alexander Hamilton. With a face sculpted by God himself, eyes too intelligent for their own good, and a body almost too molded to fit her own to be real, he was meant to forever haunt her dreams. No other man, in all the years since she'd been back to the states, could match her wit word for word the way Alexander could. No other man would read her well enough to have an entire conversation through eye movements and facial expressions alone. No other man was capable of making her laugh until her eyes blurred with tears and her abdomen ached with sorness. No other man could set Angelica's skin on fire with just the graze of their fingertips. And last, but certainly not least, no other man could look at Philip with the same amazed, adoration in which Alexander Hamilton was looking at him right now. And Philip loved the attention.

"He's only two?" Alexander's eyes lifted up from the face he'd been inspecting by the centimeter. 

"He'll be three in four months." She was forced to look down as she spoke since the man had dropped to his knees to be closer on eye level with her son. 

His son.

_Their son._

The thought alone was enough to knock her off her feet.

Too much too soon. Not enough soon enough.

"God," His voice held an air of disbelief. "He's so damn perfect."

Philip's eyes widened. He looked to his side for his mother. Waiting for her to reprimand what he knew was inappropriate language. Especially that particular swear word because it was the same one Philip was prone to spitting out since hearing some man screaming it into his phone on his way to daycare once. 

"I don't use that kind of language around Philip. He's a sponge."

That caused an adorable crinkle to the boy's nose. "Mommy, I'm not a sponge. I'm a boy."

She smiled despite herself.

"Of course." Alexander spoke more to himself than to her. "I'm sorry."

And then he was inspecting the child in front of him again. His bright, curious eyes refusing to miss even a freckle on the skin of his face. Angelica wished she knew what was going on in that non-stop mind of his. As he took in his son, she took him in.

There was nothing particularly different about the man kneeling in front of her. He was still too thin for his own good. But not thin enough to the point were it was unattractive. His hair was longer than it was when she'd met him three years ago. It still rested in the ponytail at the base of his neck. But now the strings were dancing past his shoulders. His olive skin had seen tanner days. She'd always preferred him sun kissed like the pictures she'd seen from his childhood. Not that her preference of his appearance mattered anymore. Angelica was simply making an observation. In fact, she was so busy in her  _observations_ of her ex love that she didn't notice the words he was embedding into her son's head.

In hindsight, she would have been paying better attention.

"Philip, I'm your father."

Philip's eyes lit up. So similar to Alexander's. 

The words, the sight, hit a little to sharply inside of her. She recoiled like a snake prepared for a venomous strike.

" _Do not_ tell him that!"

Alexander's eyes flashed up to hers. The familiar fight in them. "Don't tell him  _what_? The truth?"

"This is only his second time meeting you. He isn't prepared for that kind of information. And, quite frankly, I don't know if you're ready to take on the role of father. I'm pretty sure Philip is the only child you've ever come in contact with in your life."

"None of that changes the fact that he's my child."

"Would you stop saying that in front of him? Philip likes to talk." Just like you. But she decided to leave that part out. "Don't you think the exciting information that he now has a f-a-t-h-e-r." She refused to say it out loud and confirm it to her son. "Is something he would want to share with his aunts?"

Alexander's gaze didn't waver under her own. She wasn't expecting it to, as it never had before. "Yes."

"Do you even understand the implications of what you're suggesting?"

"Yes."

"No you don't. Because you never do. And you never care. But  _I_ care, Alexander. I care that my little sister will be ruined with this news."

"I don't think you're giving Eliza enough credit. She will understand. Sure, she may be a little upset-"

"She'd be heartbroken."

"But she'd get through it." He assured her. " _We'll_ get through it."

"You're not as easy to get over as you think you are, Alexander Hamilton."

The fight began draining from his eyes. Being replaced with something softer. Something Angelica did not have the energy to deal with right now. 

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing." She needed to change the subject. Fighting was easier. "Just don't tell him things like that until we decide he's ready. Until we decide everyone's ready to deal with the consequences of it.

"He is ready."

"He is not. He hardly understands."

"My son is a genius. I'm sure he understands just fine."

"Would you stop with that?"

"So you want me to lie to him?"

"No. Just  _don't mention_ a few things."

"That's lying."

"It's not a lie. It's just easier this way for now."

"And fighting about it in front of him is easier than just letting him know?"

"We're not fighting."

"You're fighting." Philip frowned.

Angelica's eyes darted to her son's. His small freckled face always too knowing. She tried to smile. She hoped she was doing a good job of not looking as stressed out as she suddenly felt. In hindsight, she wouldn't have allowed Alexander to come barging into her and her son's lives. No matter how insistent his begging was. She opted for a playful tone when she sunk down to her son's level. "Hey, whose side are you on?"

Philip grinned. All sparkly eyes and blushing cheeks. "Daddy's."

The blood drained from her face. "Don't say that." Her voice came out sharper than she intended. 

" _Angel_!" Alexander scolded.

Philip flinched away from her. Pushing himself into Alexander's space. The man's arms instinctively molded around the boy. Angelica resisted the urge to pull him away and make herself seem all the more like the bad guy. 

This was all happening too soon to be safe. The last time she moved this fast without weighing in the consequences, she ended up on a flight back to New York City with a baby inside of her. Angelica was not going to make the mistakes of her past again. She didn't care how mean it sounded. Alexander Hamilton was no where near ready for the responsibility it took to be a father to a two year old boy. He could barely remember to feed himself most days, she couldn't even imagine the neglect he'd hand over to her son. Work always came first in his life an Angelica knew he wasn't ready to switch the order of things all at once. No, they needed to slow this train before it flew off the rails. She was so done with letting hindsight kick her ass.

"I'm sorry I yelled." She offered her hand to Philip.

"You're sorry?" He eyed her hand suspiciously.

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

His answering smile was one of her favorite Philip smiles. "Okay." He placed one of his small, chubby hands in hers. But Angelica noticed the way he made sure to keep the other on Alexander's arm. "And you're sorry to daddy?"

She would never get used to that. "Philip, baby, you can't-" She closed her eyes. Searching all the parental books stored in her head for an understandable solution to the problem. When she opened them again, Alexander and Philip were both staring at her. Expression and eyes identical. Waiting. "Philip, daddy is a no tell."

"A no tell?" His eyes widened.

 _No tells_  were rare in their house. And Philip seemed to love the idea of being the only one who got to know a certain thing. The only other _no_ _tell_ they ever had was Philip catching his mother crying in the middle of the kitchen after a bad day. And, as far as she knew, he'd kept that secret with ease. Or maybe he'd forgotten it all together. But _this_ , the knowledge of a father was much more memorable than his mother having a bad day. So angelica was putting a lot of faith in the hope that her almost three year old son could keep it between them.

She nodded solemnly. "Only mommy and Alexander and Philip can know."

"I won't tell, mommy." He placed his forefinger over his lip a little harder than necessary. His eyes crinkling at their corners. Angelica mimicked his action.

"Thank you, baby." She exhaled through her nose. "Now, go play in your room for a moment while mommy talks to Alexander."

"Okay." He was suddenly vibrating with excitement. Probably at the prospect of opening the box with the Paw Patrol teddy bear Alexander brought in for him. "I love you, mommy."

"I love you too."

And then, more sheepishly. "I love you, daddy."

Alexander was clearly taken back by the omission. His face scrunched up in something that could have almost been pain. And Angelica was under the impression that he could have been holding back tears. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. She remembered what happened the last time she'd said those same three words to him. The fight. Her leaving. She was struct with the panic from before. Alexander wasn't ready for this. And her poor son wasn't ready for the heartbreak that was Alexander Hamilton. It felt like years later when Alexander finally responded with a smile. The simple, shaky upturn of his lips harbored enough emotion for Angelica to almost believe him when he managed to whisper a broken,

"I love you too." 

Philip, pleased with his parent's replies, bounded off in the direction of his bedroom. Stopping only to pick up the toy Angelica knew was the reason for his easy acceptance with being sent away from the conversation.

She wished she could be just as easily satisfied.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Sorry for grammar and spelling errors.  
> *That stupid Dazed and Confused meme*  
> "It'd be a lot cooler if you left comments and kudos"


End file.
